The Pain Of This Day

This is from Ellinorianne who posts on The Campaign To Change America.

I don't want to remember 9/11

I have been dreading today for a couple of weeks now. Dreading the many stories and photos of 9/11. Even though I'm attempting in my own way to be involved, aware and educated about what this President is doing to this country, every passing day I become more despondent and more disappointed. I feel helpless at times, helpless to do anything.

Just like I did on that day.

Basking in the lasting glow of his Sept. 11 leadership while campaigning in Pinellas County and Orlando on Friday, Giuliani stressed national security and electability, rather than the sort of hot-button social issues that are thought to be critical to winning the Republican nomination.

"For me every day is an anniversary of Sept. 11," Giuliani said after reviewing emergency response equipment at the Pinellas Sheriff's Office with Attorney General Bill McCollum and Sheriff Jim Coats. "If we don't talk about Sept. 11, you can't prepare to try to avoid another Sept. 11."

I understand this, that everday feels like 9/11, but how do you think those who lost loved ones feel Rudy? Can you compare what you feel to what they've lost? Can you? I can't.

I think this is why I was dreading today. There are so many people bringing this day up as a means to scare, to hurt and to steal our democracy from us. I feel wrong in bringing it up and talking about it and how it affected me. I wasn't there; I was three thousand miles away watching the most horrible thing I'd ever seen unfold in front of me on a TV.

So whenever anyone invokes this awful day as a means to garner respect, votes and campaign contributions I get a little choked up. Seriously, I get a bad taste in my mouth, like metal and I feel quite torn inside. I ask myself, how are we helping those affected by this heinous day? And I think of all those soldiers and civilians that have died in Iraq and I think, how could we let so many more die because of 9/11? How can we call this "war on terror" a success when we've lost so many more lives? AND FOR WHAT?

Does anyone else feel ill when they hear the talking heads squabble over the number of dead? Do you feel angry and sick at the same time when you hear that the manner of death determines if the loss of a life is merely crime or sectarian violence? Does it really matter? They are gone. Families, communities and an entire country lost because of our Presidents blind lust for power. Lost. So many more lives lost.

So I apologize for not wanting to read about September 11 or talk about it. I know that my anger and frustration can be nowhere near that of those who were directly affected by 9/11 and this costly and futile war. I don't even dare to compare the empty feeling I woke up with today to those who have been left with the empty beds of loved ones who will never return home. But I want you to know that I do care, in my way, I do care about this day and I won't forget it. How could I?